Home- Is it a safe place?

Childhood is formed by memories, some are sweet and some bitter. During our formative years we at times come across certain incidents where we are just passive viewers but that particular memory stays with you life long.

It was one such incident where I once saw a man brutally beating up his wife right outside their house. Both were shouting, one in defense while the other in aggression. Beside them was their 7 year old daughter. The otherwise jolly girl with whom I used to travel in my school bus was crying silently. It looked like she had witnessed this situation before and had surrendered herself to what was going on. Even though I was quite young, I could understand that it was wrong. This was a classic case of domestic abuse. And, that’s what still prevails in innumerable houses behind the closed doors. This is what women (well rarest of the rare cases, even men) go through most of the days while acting as if nothing happened in the next morning.

I have come a long way from that day but that visual is still vivid. I was merely a passive viewer there and I often wonder what damage had it done to that young girl and her family.

In India, domestic abuse is an on going story. The local dailies would have at least one news article about such instances. I won’t say the awareness isn’t there. Concerned citizens often hold discussions against it, we see short plays regarding the subject as well. Yet, the statistics still show that we have a long way to go.

My take on the domestic abuse is that there are always certain sadistic people who derive pleasure by intimading others. Indian society often calls this as patriarchal behaviour. Certain Indian males feel that it is a way of controlling their counterparts. Violence is the only solution they think is apt. Shame on such people.

We can look at the cause for it from different point of views. Probably the abuser would have grown up in a similar environment and thinks this as a natural phenomenon. Or probably he suffers from some mental condition which no one is aware of (such cases keep on getting worse). Domestic abuse leaves seen and unseen scars on the victim and the other members of the family, especially children. They grow up either as timid or the violent ones. Domestic abuse at times become life threating as well. Such abusive behaviours can be reduced over time through certain counselling session but they can’t be nullified. One tigger point is all an abuser needs to resume their violent nature.

On a personal note, I have got no sympathy for such abusers. But, others dealing with such people should take certain precautions while dealing with them. For starters, make sure if you ever have to interact with them don’t let them intimade you at any point. That acts as their motivator. Logic doesn’t work with them. So, don’t be taken aback when they misinterpret you and start their anger pangs. Give them time to calm down. Don’t engage into any arguments with them. It’s worthless. Their point is never to engage into a conversation. They just want someone to feed their egos. Call for legal action in such situations if things go downhill. To help out the victims, offer them the support they need. Try to engage with them emotionally and get them involved in certain self help groups (because at times the damage done is more than what is seen).

What you shouldn’t do is just stand as a passive viewer. Offer and call others for help whenever there is a need. Keep yourself calm and tackle the situation from humanitarian point of view.

There is a lot of awareness growing against domestic violence. There are a number of self help groups offering alternative livelihood and mental support to the victims. This issue isn’t going to settle anytime soon but what we can expect is that the number of cases relating to domestic abuse keeps decreasing at a faster rate.

Mental health- It is worth the hype?

Meeting friends and acquaintances over the weekends is a ritual for me and I often meet them over a cup of coffee. Though my work city, Bangalore has quite a few cafes, I usually land up in some Café Coffee Day (CCD) outlet. You would find them all over Bangalore. They don’t really have the best of coffees, but it is a place where I had been going since I was a teenager and it has become my comfort zone.

Ironically, as I was having my morning coffee today with a colleague of mine, I learnt that master mind who started my most visited café committed suicide. The reason? He deemed himself unfit to run the enterprise and was in dire financial crisis. To add on to that, there was a massive amount of pressure from his stakeholders as well.

Well, God bless his soul. I and a lot of others appreciate his entrepreneurial effort. In case you didn’t know, it was the success of CCD that drove the international coffee brands to start their outlets in India.

All these makes me wonder, how important is mental health and how often we overlook it thinking it to be ‘just a phase’. As per the WHO, 800,000 people commit suicide every year and the number of people attempting to commit suicide is 20 times higher. People resorting to self-hurting mechanism is even higher. This critical issue needs to be tackled in a better way.

Stress, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and a million other mental sickness can be a result of certain mental trauma, lifestyle that we lead, or it can be purely medical in nature. Well, I am not a certified person to tell you how to cure yourself, but I can provide a few insights that might be of help. How to I know it? I have been living with the black dog for quite a few years now and following a few things does help me feel a lot better.

So here it goes.

Study the cause. We adults have the ability of analyzing the root cause of our problems. Give it a good thought. Evaluate what got you into that situation. If this situation is not going to be there in the next 1 year, then any amount of stress over it isn’t worth. If the situation is unavoidable and a critical one, then try finding feasible solutions to the problem. Remember, at times walking away from stressful and unwanted situation can work wonders.

Talk to your friends and family. At times, when we suffer from depression and/or anxiety, we tend to seclude ourselves from the rest of the world. Push yourself to talk to people who would understand and provide emotional support to you. Also, talking about mental health problems with your near ones would make them aware. So, that’s a win- win situation.

Connect with things that make you happy. Love dancing? So, dance your heart out. Paint as much as you want if you love doing that. This would take your mind off to something which you enjoy. Such passionate and happy moments can act as a good cure.

Take up a hobby, learn something new. This is another way of keeping yourself engaged. The joy of creating or doing something new even during the darkest of dark times would surely lift your spirits. On a personal front, I started doing calligraphy. I would try different fonts, colors, making posters, cards, etc. This definitely helped me to channelize my thoughts into something creative.

Opt for some physical activity. Exercising of any form releases good endorphins. It also takes your mind off from worries. I have heard contradicting opinions about how exercise can or can’t cure/ reduce mental health problems. For me, exercise does help me to get a good night’s sleep and stick to a routine which is one thing many people with mental issues struggle with.

Ask for help. Consult a psychologist or a psychiatrist if there is a need. At times, we hesitate taking professional help simply because we like to stay in denial. Well, going for medication or therapy to recover your peace of mind is just like getting treated for physical health issue. The sooner you get treated the better your life will be.

Try to stay in a environment which is positive and lifts you up. Sometimes you would find yourself in some family dispute, peer pressure, unwanted work stress or stuck in a bad relationship. Such instances can turn into black holes where you would sink deeper each day. Be brave enough to walk out of such situations.

Take your time to heal. At times, past incidents can cause severe mental trauma. Give yourself time to heal. Bad days don’t last long and remember that you have an immense amount of strength to come of that trauma.

Above all, remember that you are one of the fortunate ones who wakes up breathing every morning. That itself is a blessing. You are an important soul and you are loved and valued in this world. I hope that you see sunnier and happier days in your life.

With love and hugs,

Liza

Photo by Binti Malu on Pexels.com

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

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